The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
