Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
we're making bets on your personal life
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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