i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
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You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
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Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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