People with herpes should wear stickers.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
