If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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