Plan B is the new Plan A
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
