i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
