Don't make out with my wife yet
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
