His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
