I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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