the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
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we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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