You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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