It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
