Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
