Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
