so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
