let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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