By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i drank out of a bidet.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
