Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
