i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
