My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
