I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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