People in love make me want to vomit
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
