I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
