Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
