Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize