you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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