So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
