My nipple is on Facebook.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
