Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
