I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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