then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
