you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
