i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
