so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize