Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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