This dress was meant to end up on your floor
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
