you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
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I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
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For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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