The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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