maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize