After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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