Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
