note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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