Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
