i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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