Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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