I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
