So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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