so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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