if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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