I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
