We're like a lot better than the average bears
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize