just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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