Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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