Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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