Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
