i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
