Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
