i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I don't deserve a penis
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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