the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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