Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
