There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
