There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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