that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
