I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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