if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
