I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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