i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
