It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
