Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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