I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
