i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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