two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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