oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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