so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
